Fun Center

Hilarious Short Jokes January 13, 2012

Once in an insane asylum an inmate screamed out I am George Washington. “How do you know?” someone asked. The inmate answered , “because G-D told me.” Just then a scream came out from another room “I did not.”

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?

“Where’s my tractor?”

–

Why did they bury the Indian on the hill?

Because he was dead.

–

Two muffins are baking in an oven. One says, “Does it feel hot in here to you?” The other one says, “Holy shit, a talking muffin!”

–

(…and a few German jokes)

A man walks into a bar. He’s an alcoholic that neglects his family.

–

Why did the blonde jump off the bridge?

Because she was depressed.

—

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Wasa…bi?

(all in the delivery)
___

Why do ducks have flat feet?

Series jokes:

Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.

Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.
—–

Q: What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.

(part 2) – The hot dog vendor gives him the dog and the buddhist gives him a $20.
Buddhist – Hey, where’s my change?
Vendor – Change must come from within.

More of a silly brainteaser than a joke, but excellent for text:

- C M puppies?
- M R not puppies!
- S M R! C M P N?
- L I B! M R puppies!

 
This is great. My husband and I have different work and sleep schedules that lately have become diametrically opposed. I’m definitely keeping this thread as a reference.

I’ll add a joke or two to make this answer more helpful.

How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.

Followup: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
Hold its nose until turns blue, and then shoot it with the blue elephant gun.

And, my personal favorite:

Why did the frog cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.

To stamp out forest fires.

(pause…follow with:)

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks.
___

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where ever you left it.

–
“Put it on my bill”

“The Aristocrats!”

“Why the long face?”

*joke not included

read more at Short Jokes