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Funny & silly Quotes Sayings October 9, 2007

Posted by amty in Jokes, Silly Quotes.
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“Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.”
- Kin Hubbard.

“Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.”
- Hubert Humphrey.

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”
- Carl Gustav Jung.

“I dress up for weddings, funerals and fine steakhouses.”
–Dan Daly .

“Clean laundry helps the confidence level, which helps the self image, which helps um, you win games, which makes you rich, which leads to greed, which leads to more money!!!, Which causes immense spending, which then triggers high anxiety, which causes a heart attack at the age of 31 and puts you in a coma for 10 years while you lose all of your money and you start at the beginning again!”
–Benjer Petersen

“If it’s about computers… it can wait!”
–Rachel Halladay

“Don’t spend your life as a pretty bitch… God will send you back nice and ugly!”
–Fritz

“I had gone searching for the truth, and found facts instead. I hate that.”
–Anonymous

“I was playing poker the other night… with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.”
–Steven Wright .

“This morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition to my Prozac. I can’t get off the john, but I feel good about it.”
–unknown

“When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities.”
- Matt Groening.

“Diplomacy is about surviving until the next century. Politics is about surviving until Friday afternoon.”
–Sir Humphrey Appleby.

“You’ll earn thousands of dollars daily by doing nothing.”
–Found on a piece of paper in a Fortune Cookie .

In any sufficiently large group of people, most are idiots.
–Kaa’s Law

“Some people look at jerky and say, ‘Why?’ I look at jerky and say, ‘Mmm! Jerky!’.

In our view, everybody is a potential partner — until they shoot at us.”
- AOL CEO Steve Case.

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
– Pablo Picasso

Never trust a computer you can’t throw out a window
–Steve Wozniak

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
To the plumber, any liquid in the glass is potential income.
(With thanks to John Pettitt and Ed O’Connell)

It happens. Sometimes people just explode. Natural causes.
from Repo Man

What if this weren’t a hypothetical question?

“I don’t feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves.”
– John Wayne

“During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet”
–Al Gore

“Space is almost infinite. As a matter of fact, we think it is infinite.” “
- Dan Quayle.

 

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