Fun Center

Go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger!

 

“A person knows he has found his true love when they call that person and say: Honey, I just killed someone. And that persons response is: where do we hide the body?”

~”Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”

 

I gave up smoking, drinking, and sex…worst 15 minutes of my life.

Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.

If you need space join NASA baby

“I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

Why is it that doctors call what they do “practice”?

It’s not how you pick your nose, it’s where you put that booger that counts — Tre Cool of Green Day

If we can put one man on the moon, why can’t we put them all there?

If the shoe fits, buy it in every color!

I am nobody… nobody is perfect… I must be perfect then..

The best thing about Alzheimer’s is : You can hide your own Easter eggs. – Gramps

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. HOWEVER…the roses are dead, the violets are wilting, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head.

WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON, BUST OUT THE TEQUILLA AND SALT

Why can’t I attract men like crazy, Instead of crazy men

“Beer, getting ugly people laid since 1700″

If you want breakfast in bed………sleep in the kitchen

No matter what road we take we’ll always end up in the same place.

“I hear voices, and they don’t like you”

“Buy me another drink, because your still ugly”

“I live in my own little world, but it’s ok, they know me there.”

“It’s not attention deficit disorder, I’m not just not listening to you.”

Give a man a fish he’ll eat for a day but teach him how and he’ll sit on his
ass staring at the fishing pole trying to decide what to do

Cancel my subscription cause I don’t need your issues

As you slide down the banister of life, may your ass collect many splinters

“Don’t get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it makes you walk funny.” ~ Katherine Carpenter

I wish I were a little kid again. Skinned Knees are easier to heal than broken hearts!!!

One day your prince will come, mine just took a wrong turn got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

The more I get to know boys the more I like dogs

I have a life; it’s just on lay-a-way at K-Mart!

God made the sea
god made the ocean
God needed a goddess
so he made me!!

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light and dark side, and it binds the universe together

Giant oaks DO grow from little acorns. But first you must have an acorn.

Silence is Golden, but shouting is fun.

When your a fat little kid, there are no more see-saws…only catapults

The World Is Full Of Asses Your Just The Biggest

“The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.”

“If you cant dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull”

“Life is a role of toilet paper; long and useful”

The difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver is this: A bad golfer goes **WHACK** DANG! A bad skydiver goes DANG! **WHACK**”

“I love humanity. It’s people I can’t stand.”

“Anybody here who believes in telekinesis, raise my hand.”

“I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”

All my hard work has boiled down to two things “May I take your order” and “Would you like fries with that”

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
and all the kings’ horses and all the kings’ men…
ate scrambled eggs for 2 weeks

Born in heaven, raised in hell

A heart is not a plaything
A heart is not a toy
But if u want it broken
Just give it to a boy

Beauty is just a light switch away!

Auntie ‘Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, taking the dog ~Dorothy

“I am not short, I just don’t have to bend down as far”

I have the body of a god… unfortunately its Buddha -Abigail Silverman-

“Time flies like an arrow, while fruit flies like a banana.”

If you are going to send someone to save the world, make sure they like it
the way it is. – Xander in the movie XXX