Hilarious Short Jokes January 13, 2012
Posted by Ahmad in Jokes.Tags: collection, fun, Funny, Hilarious, Hilarious Short Jokes, humor, joke, Short Jokes, SMS Jokes
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Once in an insane asylum an inmate screamed out I am George Washington. “How do you know?” someone asked. The inmate answered , “because G-D told me.” Just then a scream came out from another room “I did not.”
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
“Where’s my tractor?”
–
Why did they bury the Indian on the hill?
Because he was dead.
–
Two muffins are baking in an oven. One says, “Does it feel hot in here to you?” The other one says, “Holy shit, a talking muffin!”
–
(…and a few German jokes)
A man walks into a bar. He’s an alcoholic that neglects his family.
–
Why did the blonde jump off the bridge?
Because she was depressed.
—
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wasa…bi?
(all in the delivery)
___
Why do ducks have flat feet?
Series jokes:
Q: How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A: Unique up on it.
Q: How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A: Tame way, unique up on it.
—–
Q: What did the buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: Make me one with everything.
(part 2) – The hot dog vendor gives him the dog and the buddhist gives him a $20.
Buddhist – Hey, where’s my change?
Vendor – Change must come from within.
More of a silly brainteaser than a joke, but excellent for text:
- C M puppies?
- M R not puppies!
- S M R! C M P N?
- L I B! M R puppies!
This is great. My husband and I have different work and sleep schedules that lately have become diametrically opposed. I’m definitely keeping this thread as a reference.
I’ll add a joke or two to make this answer more helpful.
How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
Followup: How do you shoot a pink elephant?
Hold its nose until turns blue, and then shoot it with the blue elephant gun.
And, my personal favorite:
Why did the frog cross the road?
He was stapled to the chicken.
To stamp out forest fires.
(pause…follow with:)
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
___
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Where ever you left it.
–
“Put it on my bill”
“The Aristocrats!”
“Why the long face?”
*joke not included
read more at Short Jokes
Top 10 Funny Quotes Wallpapers November 18, 2011
Posted by Ahmad in Funny Pictures.Tags: 10, fun, Funny, funny pics, Funny Pictures, Funny Quotes, Funny Quotes Wallpapers, funny wallpaper, pics, Quotes, top, Top 10, Wallpapers
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Many Funny Quotes wallpapers
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Top 10 Funny Movies in Year 2011 August 23, 2011
Posted by Ahmad in Funny Clips / Videos.Tags: 2011, Diary of a Wimpy Kid, fun, Funny, Funny Movies, Funny Movies in 2011, Gnomeo and Juliet, Hall Pass, Just Go With It, movie, No Strings Attached, Rango, Rio, The Dilemma, The Hangover 2, top, Top 10, Top funny Movies, Year, Your Highness
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10: Diary of a Wimpy Kid – Rodrick Rules:
Another movie for young kids, Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules is a sequel to 2010 movie Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Zachary Gordon reprises his role of Greg Heffley along with Robert Capron, Devon Bostick and Rachel Harris.
9: Gnomeo and Juliet:
Gnomeo and Juliet is an animated comedy film based on William Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet. The voice of this film is provided by James McAvoy and Jason Statham. This is perfect kid’s movie and also one the funniest film of 2011.
8. No Strings Attached:
Ashton Kutcher paired with Natalie Portman in this romantic comedy film in which they both made agreement of having a casual sex without falling in love.
7. Your Highness:
Your Highness is fantasy comedy movie starring Academy Award winner Natalie Portman, Academy Award Nominee James Franco, Danny McBride and Rasmus Hardiker. The revolves around the two brother Thadeous( McBride) and Fabious(Franco) who are very lazy warriors.
6. The Dilemma:
The Dilemma is also one of the must watch funny movie of 2011 starring Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Winona Ryder, Jennifer Conelly, Queen Latifah and Channing Tatum.
5. Hall Pass:
Owen Wilson teams up Jason Sudeikis in Hall Pass and are given week off from their marriage by their wives to do what ever they want in one week. Hall Pass is very good comedy movie for the adult audience and one the funniest in 2011.
4. Just Go With It:
Once again Adam Sandler delivered the comedy film that will make u laugh continuously for 2 hours. This film also stars Jennifer Aniston and Brooklyn Decker and it is a must watch comedy film of 2011.
3. The Hangover 2:
Well they are back. After shaking Las Vegas upside down, they are kicking it at Bangkok for Stu’s wedding. This crazy and funny ride features all the actors from 1st part with Jamie Chung being the new entry.
2. Rio:
Another computer animated movie which is also one of the funniest movies of 2011. The movie follows a adventure of two last remaining species of macaw Blu voiced by Jesse Eisenberg and Jewel voiced by Anne Hathaway. It is a comedy film if you want to watch with the family.
1. Rango:
A computer animated film tells the story of a pet chameleon named Rango voiced by Johnny Depp who accidentally ends up in a Mojave Desert. This movie is full of fun and comic sequence that will make you engage for atleast 2 hours.
Top 10 Creative Art Funny Pictures June 30, 2011
Posted by Ahmad in Funny Pictures.Tags: art fun, Art Funny Pictures, Creative, fun pics, Funny, Funny Photos, Funny Pictures, humor, lol pics, Pictures, top, Top 10
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Top 10 Funny Pictures Taken by not usual Angle.
![3353735274 3d9565e840 o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1093/3353735274_3d9565e840_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
![3352910357 f87b87b4a0 o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1034/3352910357_f87b87b4a0_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
![3353736154 bff69d7330 o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1176/3353736154_bff69d7330_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
![3353735256 0d646887b6 o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1355/3353735256_0d646887b6_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
![3352909583 17cb8e6888 o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1377/3352909583_17cb8e6888_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
![3352910405 8ef875ebee o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1222/3352910405_8ef875ebee_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
![3352911307 2d5a4b1065 o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1138/3352911307_2d5a4b1065_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
![3353736612 97464c7714 o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1379/3353736612_97464c7714_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
![3352911411 5fefd93be3 o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1400/3352911411_5fefd93be3_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
![3352910797 f9b477b42a o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1139/3352910797_f9b477b42a_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
![3352910443 755a97a83e o 100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]](http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1216/3352910443_755a97a83e_o.jpg "100+ Funny Photos Taken At Unusual Angle [Humor]")
Top 10 Put Down Lines August 16, 2010
Posted by Ahmad in Uncategorized.Tags: fun, Funny, funy, Lines, make fun, Put Down, Top 10
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Here’s top 10 Put Down Lines
“Don’t worry. I forgot your name, too!”
“Earth is full. Go home.”
“Nice perfume, but did you have to marinate in it?”
“And which dwarf are you?”
He: “Let’s go back to my place!”
She: “I don’t think we’ll both fit under that rock!”
“Sorry, but after meeting you I’m thinking of becoming a lesbian.”
“So you’re the missing link” (between man and monkey).
(At the top of her voice in a crowded bar): “No I will not f*ck you for £100!”
“Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?”
“Do they ever shut up on your planet?”
“If only you’d use your powers for good instead of evil…”
“OK MISTER, how many times do I have to flush before you go away?”
Hilarious Quotes & Short Funny Quotes May 1, 2010
Posted by Ahmad in Silly Quotes.Tags: Funny, Funny Quotes, Hilarious Quotes, Quotes, Short Funny Quotes, Silly
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If my films make one more person miserable, I’ll feel I have done my job.
Woody Allen
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin
If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three.
Laurence J. Peter
If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
Yogi Berra
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
Rita Rudner
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.
Jay London
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
Dave Barry
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man.
H. L. Mencken
Let’s reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools – and use it on the teachers.
P. J. O’Rourke
Life is hard. After all, it kills you.
Katharine Hepburn
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Groucho Marx
Moderation is a virtue only in those who are thought to have an alternative.
Henry A. Kissinger
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
Most women set out to try to change a man, and when they have changed him they do not like him.
Marlene Dietrich
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedberg
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
Mitch Hedberg
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen
I found there was only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have a love interest in every one of my films – a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
by
Top Funny Poems December 10, 2009
Posted by Ahmad in Funny Poetry.Tags: Funny, Funny Poems, Poems, poetry
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A Poem Written by an African Shakespeare
Dear white fella
Couple things you should know
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in sun, I black
When I cold, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black.
You white fella
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you grey.
And you have the cheek to call me colored?????
=======
Here is yer Poem:
There was a young fellow named Lancelot
Whom his neighbors all looked on askance a lot.
Whenever he’d pass
A presentable lass,
The front of his pants would advance a lot.
========
Jack and jill went up the hill,
to smoke some marajuana,
jack got high,
pulled down his fly,
and asked jill if she wanna.
jill said yes,
pulled up her dress,
and had a little fun,
but stupid jill,
forgot the pill,
and now they have a son
=======
roses are red
violets are corney
when i think of you
oh baby i ged horney
eat me
beat me
bite me
blow me
suck me
fuck me
very slowly
if you kiss me dont be sassy
you your tongue and make is nasty
Dont Worry Be Happy Funny Pic March 11, 2009
Posted by Ahmad in Uncategorized.Tags: Dont Worry Be Happy, Funny Pic, ha ha, lol
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